my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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