Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
