so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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