pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
