She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
