All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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