As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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