Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
