That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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