Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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