I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
