no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
