chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
