Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
