You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
