perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
