he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just gargled with NyQuil
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
