How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
