Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
