The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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