I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
