you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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