I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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