Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
