chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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