I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
