how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
