Its about making memories worth repressing
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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