i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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