I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
