i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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