he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize