yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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