I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize