So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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