Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
