she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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