Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
