so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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