Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
