I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
