apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
