so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
