sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
