Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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