I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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