But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
