i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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