sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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