Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
