guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
