Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
