I could make wine with my vomit
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
