dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
