i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
