Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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