I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
