8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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