i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
