On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize