I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
