I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
