Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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