well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
