Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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