Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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