I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
